Want To Be Your Own Relationship Expert?

Call me crazy, but I am firmly convinced that if each person took the time to become his or her own "relationship expert," we as a society would begin to see the number of unhappy relationships and eventual divorces significantly reduced over the next ten years. As things stand now, we have a bad habit of depending too much on others to answer our relationship questions, from our own parents to television and radio "gurus" like Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura. All of whom have their own opinions on how relationships "should" be conducted, but whose views may be totally at odds with what we want for ourselves.

The problem is that when it comes to our own relationships, we are at a loss to figure out exactly what we as individuals want from our romantic relationships. Who do we ask? Where can we go to find answers? Happily, the best resource we have is our local public library, where the cost of obtaining knowledge about any subject we want is free. Assuming you have a library card, that is. If you are lucky enough to live in a large city or town where more than one public library is available, you can become your own relationship expert in a matter of months. The books are there for the asking. All you have to do is borrow and read them. Having this kind of self-knowledge is priceless, because it could save you from the pain of enduring years of unhappy relationships or marriages. If you know from the beginning what kind of relationship you want to have, no matter how different it may be from that of your parents, relatives or friends, you can immediately start using that information to eliminate dating partners that do not meet your needs.

So why aren’t more people doing their own research on relationships, if it’s so easy to do? Because old habits and ruts are difficult to break out of, that’s why. From the time we are children, we are given the values, opinions and goals our parents want us to have. Their opinions and values may have worked well for them – then again, maybe not, if they had unhappy married lives themselves – but that doesn’t guarantee they will do the same for us. Even when we become adults and gain our financial independence, it still doesn’t generally occur to us that in order to have the kind of romantic relationship we want, we have to find our own answers. Fortunately, it’s never too late to start doing our research. Since we can obtain this knowledge at no charge by visiting our public libraries often, what do we have to lose? Not a damn thing. And we could easily save ourselves hundreds, even thousands, of dollars we might otherwise end up paying to third-party experts or worse, divorce attorneys, down the road.

Another reason why more men and women aren’t doing their homework on their romantic relationships beforehand is because it’s not as easy as we’d like it to be. When you get off work after a long day, the last thing you probably want to do is head over to your library and spend an hour or so looking for books that will give you the answers you want. In my single and childless days, I would either head home or, if the day was particularly demanding, have drinks or dinner with some of my pals from the office. But if you really want to find out what you want from your romantic relationships, the time you spend on reading various books now could very possibly save you years of heartache later. No one, certainly not I, can or should tell you this is going to be easy. However, if your goal is to reduce the occurrence of bad relationships as much as possible for yourself, you need to get started on your relationship "Ph.D." And all you have to do is read the books! No homework assignments to complete, no tests to pass. So cheer up, it’s not as hard as you think.

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