For most people, the
purpose of dating is to see if the prospect is marriage material.
Therefore, if you have been dating the same guy for more than two years
and he has not proposed, lose him. You are wasting your time. He’s not
going to marry you.
The average girl/guy
knows within a year or two if you are “the one.” It doesn’t take any
longer than that to figure that out. He knows if he respects you,
values your opinions, has fun with you, can deal with your quirks, gets
along with your family, has the same ideals, and is moving in the same
direction. He knows if he can see you in his life for the rest of his
life.
If he says he still
trying to figure that out, he’s lying. Inside he knows. Bottom line:
he’s either deliberately stringing you along or he’s ignoring the
evidence so that he can benefit from the things that he likes about you
without having to commit.
If you’ve got a ring and a date, you can be a bit more optimistic about tying the knot at some point. There are
legitimate reasons for waiting more than two years to get married.
Waiting until after college graduation is a good one. So is waiting to
have enough money to afford the ceremony of your dreams. But you should
still have a ring and a date. Some guys give heir girlfriends rings to
shut them up, so the ring alone isn’t enough. Have a date. Have a hall
picked out, guest list, bridesmaid colors, and all that. Include the
families in the planning. Only then can you be sure that a relationship
older than two years is actually moving in the direction of marriage.
Some women are
willing to hang in there longer than two years because they think that
he’s going to change. Let me give it to you straight. We all grow and
change, but the changes you are hoping for are probably not the ones
he’s going to make. The guy you see today is essentially the guy you
will see tomorrow, so if you are holding out hope that he’s going to
morph into the guy you can spend your life with, forget about it.
Either he’s going to wake up and realize that you don’t suit him and
he’ll dump you, or you are going to end up wasting years of your life
with someone who is not a match.
Some ladies wait
around because they think he’s going to change his mind about marrying
them. It’s not going to happen. If he’s saying things like he’s not
ready for marriage, or he’s not sure he wants to get married, what he
means is he’s not sure he wants to be married to you. When the girl comes around that he is sure about, that’s he’ll get married… of course, it will be to her and not you.
If both partners go
into a relationship with the understanding that neither want marriage,
don’t expect that to change if you decide that you are head over heels
for your lover. Look at Oprah and Steadman, Jackie O and Maurice
Templeton or Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They declared that they
would never marry and they haven’t.
If
you’ve been dating longer than two years and don’t have a ring and a
date, it’s time to have a talk with your partner to find out if it’s
time to move on. The only one who is hurt by ignoring the obvious is
you, so be proactive and honest and don’t waste time on someone who
isn’t a match
About the author
Laura Giles, MSW specializes in women's issues, relationships, and families with children from affairs. She is the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs" and "Growing Up Crazy." Laura is a frequent radio talk show guest. She does online counseling for clients across the country and can be found at http://healthy-living-solutions.com or by email at realassist@yahoo.com | 
