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Five Tips to Reignite Lost Sexual Desire
By Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
Temporary loss of desire may occur from time to time in all
relationships. Major life changes, illness, periods of excess
fatigue or stress can all put a damper on one’s fire for a period of
time, and sometimes the brief break can cause you to crave one another
again and this will be beneficial for the relationship, but if the loss
of desire persists indefinitely and creates distress for one or both
partners then there is a problem. Fluctuations in desire are
normal and expected, but complete loss of desire results in unhappy
relationships. If this isn’t addressed, it can destroy the
relationship.
If you’ve lost your loving feeling try some of these suggestions to get your motor running again.
1.Create the Mood
Don’t just sit and wait for your desire to appear or the mood to strike
you. You need to create the mood and stimulate desire. There must be a
willingness to work on creating the mood.
2. Make Sex a Priority
With our hectic fast paced society, relationships tend to get pushed to
the side and sex sometimes becomes something that you fit in whenever
you can. You need to make time for lovemaking. When sex is pushed aside
desire and passion dwindle. The more you engage in sex the more your
desire will grow.
3. Get Your Needs Met
Unmet needs will lead to feelings of resentment and anger and cause a
loss of desire for your partner. When needs are not met, sex will not
be satisfying and you may unconsciously decide you don’t really like
sex anymore. Is he meeting your need for foreplay or is he moving
straight to the genital action? Sometimes women have a lack of desire
if their lover is not stimulating them enough or in the manner that’s
needed. Make sure you share with your lover what it is you need
to be aroused.
4. Resolve Conflict
Resentments, hurt feelings, anger, fear etc. can create a lack of
desire. Sometimes women bury unresolved feelings. Perhaps your
partner did something months ago that really hurt you and you haven’t
been able to let go. Or perhaps you’ve let many things build up
for a long period of time. Be honest and open with your partner.
If you have unresolved feelings then talk to him about it. What happens
outside the bedroom will impact greatly what happens or doesn’t happen
in the bedroom.
5. Rule out Possible Physiological Causes
Loss of sexual desire can be something physiological such as: an
illness, hormonal imbalances (androgen, testosterone, progesterone,
DHEA) or Thyroid abnormalities. If after some self-reflection and
inner exploration you can’t put your finger on why your desire has
dwindled, then see a physician who specializes in loss of sexual
desire.
You don’t always have to be in the mood to meet your partner’s needs.
To prevent your lover from feeling rejected or deprived, help him
achieve orgasm in other ways. Have other forms of sex such as
masturbating him or giving him oral.
Sex does not always have to result in intercourse. Focus on the
intimacy and enjoying the physical sensations of closeness, love,
sensuality and touch.
Women frequently have specific reasons for not desiring sex that they
are unaware of. Loss of desire can occur for many reasons. It can
be psychological/emotional, hormonal, social/cultural or
physiological. Or it a may be a combination of several of these
factors. It’s very important to sort them out and address each issue.
Don’t let your wild woman become lost.
About the author
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex counselor/educator and author helping
monogamous couples increase sexual satisfaction, be better lovers and keep the passion alive. She is also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled, "The Lovemaking Smorgasbord - A Couple's Menu for Feeding Passion & Fidelity." Subscribe to her FREE Monthly Ezine, Smoldering Embers Sex Tip of the Month and get hot sex tips, techniques and secrets guaranteed to keep your fire burning.
http://www.smolderingembers.com/smorgasbord.html or send any email to this address smolderingembers-subscribe@topica.com |
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| Article Overview |
Fluctuations in desire are normal and expected, but complete loss of desire results in unhappy relationships. If this isn’t addressed, it can destroy the relationship.
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