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The #1 Tip for Great Sex
By Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
No, it’s not some new wild and kinky position or technique, it’s just
some good old fashioned simple communication! Unfortunately many
couples find it very difficult to communicate with one another about
their sexual needs or preferences and this can lead to a lot of
dissatisfaction and dysfunction in the relationship.
Lack of communication is a frequent culprit leading to infidelity as
well. Partners sometimes turn to other relationships to meet
needs that are not getting met in their current relationship, instead
of realizing that if only they concentrate on communicating these needs
to their current partner that they too could learn to satisfy them.
There would be no need or desire for either partner to be unfaithful if
each partner would simply be honest with each other, communicating
their needs, desires and preferences. Your wife (partner) can be
the lover you need if you teach her how to satisfy you, telling her
what you like and need. Your husband (partner) can be the lover
you need him to be if you do the same. If your needs are met in
your relationship, there is no need or desire for unfaithfulness.
Communication with your lover is probably “the” most important factor
for not only a satisfying sexual relationship but for a relationship in
general. If you do not communicate with your lover you can’t be
satisfied. Many people falsely believe that their lover can read
their mind or that they should instinctively know how to please
them. This is a very destructive belief for not only the sex, but
also the relationship as a whole.
Each one of us is different with unique sexual needs and desires.
If you’re in a new relationship it takes time to learn what each other
like. Your new lover probably has different needs in regard to
what they like and how they need to be touched than your previous
lover. If it is a long-term relationship you need to continually
explore and discover one another’s bodies, needs and desires.
Needs may change over time. It’s necessary to let your lover know
what you need and it’s equally important to be interested in what your
partner needs.
For a relationship to be successful each partner is responsible to
communicate their needs to the other and to meeting the needs of the
other. If you have a partner who is not willing to learn and not
interested in satisfying you, then you would want to evaluate whether
this is a relationship you should be in. Getting your sexual
needs met is just as important as any other need in the relationship.
Speak openly, directly and honestly. Be specific and
detailed. Tell your partner where, when and how to touch
you. Show them how much pressure, how much speed and timing that
you need. Let them know what words you need to hear and when and how to
say them. Discuss what scenarios, techniques and positions work
best for you. Share your fantasies. Let them know when
something isn’t working and let them know when it is working.
There should also be a healthy balance of give and take in each partner
and sexual requests should be within reason. No one should have
to engage in any activity that is degrading, violent or disrespectful.
If this is a new behavior for you, it may and probably will feel
uncomfortable at first, but do it anyway! It will get easier with
time. Sharing yourself in this way will increase intimacy,
enhance your sexual satisfaction and decrease the risk of
unfaithfulness. Your relationship as a whole will be happier,
more fulfilling and satisfying in every way.
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex/relationship counselor/educator and
author helping monogamous couples improve sexual satisfaction, increase
intimacy, be better lovers and keep the passion alive. She is
also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled, “The
Lovemaking Smorgasbord-A Couple's Menu for Feeding Passion &
Fidelity." Subscribe to her FREE Monthly Ezine, Smoldering Embers, and
get hot sex tips, techniques and secrets guaranteed to keep your fire
burning. http://www.smolderingembers.com/smorgasbord.html or send any
email to this address smolderingembers-subscribe@topica.com
About the author
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex counselor/educator and author helping
monogamous couples increase sexual satisfaction, be better lovers and keep the passion alive. She is also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled, "The Lovemaking Smorgasbord - A Couple's Menu for Feeding Passion & Fidelity." Subscribe to her FREE Monthly Ezine, Smoldering Embers Sex Tip of the Month and get hot sex tips, techniques and secrets guaranteed to keep your fire burning.
http://www.smolderingembers.com/smorgasbord.html or send any email to this address smolderingembers-subscribe@topica.com |
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