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| What To Do When You Just Can\'t Seem To Let Go
What you're trying to do here is to associate the thoughts of her with a negative stimulus - in this case the stinging on your leg. Be consistent - do... |
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Hi Doc,
I’m recently divorced and just now starting to date again. So, I’m out of practice and need some advice.
I recently went on a blind date with a woman. Though I wasn’t overly
attracted to her, I really enjoyed her company and conversation. I’m
not sure what she thought of me, but I would like to see her again on a
friendship basis. My question is: how do I go about doing this without
hurting her feeling or leading her on?
I feel as though I should at least call her and say I had a nice time
even though I am not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship,
but there is no easy way to do that.
Is it possible to pursue a friendship after going out on a date or is
it better to not call her again? I married young and I don’t have a lot
of experience with dating, so any help would be greatly appreciated.
Chuck – who doesn’t want to hurt her feelings
Hi Chuck,
I can tell by tone of the letter you are a good guy, but your notions
about dating are in Fairyland. Your naiveté comes from your being
locked in a time warp since the day you were married. Let me show you
what you’re up against when you try to switch tracks from dating a
woman to having a successful friendship with her.
First, let’s suppose that your girl has high Interest Level in you when
you propose friendship to her. She will most likely accept your offer
in hope of wearing down your resistance to romance over time. Her
effort will be in vain, of course. Why? Because in your eyes, this girl
looks more like Rosie O’Donnell than Caprice the supermodel. Your
Interest Level in her is 49% or lower, but she’s trying to raise it to
51% or higher. The “System” says this is an impossible feat, by
definition.
What will be the result of her futile actions? Frustration will build
within her heart until, eventually, resentment will raise its ugly
head. You will then hear her say things like: “You knew how I felt
about you, so why did you use me?” and “Thanks a lot for breaking my
heart, Buster!” In other words, if you try to be friends with a woman
with high Interest Level, she won’t stay your friend for long.
Now, let’s suppose your girl has the same low Interest Level in you
that you have in her. The good news is: you couldn’t inadvertently hurt
her feelings because the both of you would be on the same emotional
page. Sounds great, right? Well, that depends on whether or not she’s
looking for a new friend. If she is, things can work out fine, but if
she isn’t - you could be opening yourself up to having your time
wasted. So, to screen out any ladies who would take advantage of your
offer of friendship, don’t do any labor-intensive favors for them (like
moving furniture for her or waxing her car) and make sure they always
pay their own way.
Chuck, if you are only proposing friendship to this woman in a feeble
attempt to save her feelings, you should admit it to yourself right
now. Why? Because a misleading song and dance about friendship over the
phone hurts a woman more than if you had never called her again. Your
girl would much prefer the truth to being misled (I wish women with low
Interest Level would be this considerate with men they date!). So,
what’s it gonna be, Chuck? Do you really want a friend or are you just
trying to unload her? Make up your mind, boy!
The most humane way to say goodbye to a woman you’re not interested in
is to never ask for her home phone number to begin with. But if you
have already gone out with her and have lost your Interest Level during
the date, then the next best thing is to never call her again. Though
women are rarely the ones getting dumped in the relationship, they can
quickly pick up the nonverbal message that a silent telephone delivers
(Men, unfortunately, usually aren’t so perceptive!).
The sad fact about breakups is that somebody’s feelings always get
hurt. Why? Because in the race to the Low Interest Level finish line,
there are no ties for first place. The photo finish always reveals one
runner winning by a nose. 90% of the time, it’s the man who turns out
to be the loser the moment his lady tells him: “I need my space.”
Chuck, you believe you owe her an explanation for not calling her any
more, but you’ve been out with her once – and on a blind date to boot!
Snap out of it. I’m sure she will find another blind date who is just
as special to her as you are!
Remember, guys - dating is a Battle of The Sexes. Though many of the
female soldiers on the other side may resort to war crimes such as
feigning friendship, I don’t want you sinking to their level. Instead,
I want you following the policies of The “System.” When you do, you
will not only win the high ground, but also the war.
About the author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in
his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do
you stay with one man versus another?"
Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only
letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The
"System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or
(800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of
women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" |
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| Article Overview |
The most humane way to say goodbye to a woman you’re not interested in is to never ask for her home phone number to begin with. But if you have already gone out with her and have lost your Interest Level during the date, then the next best thing is to never call her again.
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