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Dear Doc Love,
I was hoping that you could interpret some of my girlfriend's actions
(We're both about to turn 21). We've been seeing each other for almost
9 months now and things are going great. I would say her Interest Level
towards me is hovering above 90 percent. Here's the story: She told me
that she went out with a few of her friends last night and that she had
gotten another piercing in her ear. Then she started talking about
tattoos. What it came down to was that she had gone to a downtown
tattoo parlor and got one etched on her back, and I'm pretty
conservative on stuff like that. Anyway, it's fairly tasteful and I
guess I don't really have a big problem with it. She was really worried
that I would be angry because she knows how I feel about tattoos. I
wasn't angry, so it wasn't a big deal, but I think she might be
disappointed in herself.
Also, while they were shopping she apparently saw this beautiful ring
in a jewelry store that she just loves. She's not very big on jewelry
so this surprised me. She seemed to make it clear that she wants the
ring even though she said, "I don't really want it, I just thought it
was beautiful."
Then, as we were driving back to my office, we passed a really cool
looking Jeep and I commented on it. Then she came right out and said,
"If you had a Jeep like that, I would get so turned on every time I saw
you in it, I wouldn’t be able to control myself." What the hell? OK,
she's told me she likes Jeeps, but what was that all about. All that
did was make me feel like my Mercury Sable makes me inadequate.
Do you think if I bought a Jeep her Interest Level would hit 100
percent or do you think she was trying to tell me something else? Why
did she go out and get a tattoo? She's never wanted one before now. Why
is she talking about buying rings, but doesn't want to get "too
serious" because we're so young? Damned Womanese.
Keith – who is dazed and confused on a Friday afternoon
Hi Keith,
Dude, you are definitely confused in more ways than one. You think that
a girl can behave like this and still have 90% Interest Level in you!
She’s got you more mixed up than a fruit smoothie. Unfortunately you
are doing what too many other men also do. They over rate the woman’s
Interest Level towards themselves and they project their own high
Interest Level onto her. Just because you like her a lot and she let’s
you call her "girlfriend" that doesn’t mean that she’s gone over you.
It is an unfortunate fact of life that many women will spend a lot a
time with a guy without having any true romantic interest in him
(40-49%). So how do we know that she doesn’t truly care for you? The
Bottom Line Factor says that her behavior is confusing and
inconsistent; tell tale signs of low Interest Level. Women with high
Interest Level don’t keep doing things that baffle you. In fact, women
who like you help you.
Let’s talk about the tattoo. You say it wasn’t a big deal. But Keith,
it was a big deal. She was worried that you would be angry about it,
but not worried enough to not get it! A girl with high Interest Level
and a good attitude that knows you don’t like tattoos would either
never have gotten it, or at least would have somehow included you in
her decision to get it. Furthermore, she would have found a way
for you both to feel OK about it (like getting a press on instead of a
permanent one). If we translate your girlfriend’s Womanese into
English, what she was really saying was: “I’m doing this cuz I want to,
and screw you.” She needs to rebel, so she’s made you into an authority
figure that she can rebel against, and she proved that she has no
respect for you when she sacrificed her tender flesh to the burly biker
Tattoo Master. Now she has a permanent symbol of her disrespect for you
emblazoned on her body - forever.
Next she plays with your head about the ring and then she puts down
your car. Why are you with her? Together your ages are forty, but while
you act twenty-five, she acts like she’s fifteen. You sound like an
opened-minded guy, but she should be dating someone in a band, not you.
You two are like oil and water.
Keith, you are in denial, and I am not talking about the river in
Egypt. Wake up and look at the huge red warning flags waving in front
of your face. If you want to have a successful, mutually rewarding,
long-term relationship with a woman, she must have a good attitude and
this dudette gets an F on her attitude report card. She’s a walking
contradiction. She wants to hang out with the punky tattoo piercing
freaks and also have you drive her around in a $40,000 jeep, plus buy
her expensive jewelry. Assuming she means what she says, it sounds as
if she sees you more as a bank than as a boyfriend.
Keith, I know I may sound a bit harsh but it’s my job to keep you from
becoming a divorce statistic. In the future, when she asks you how you
feel about some other stupid thing, just say: “If it makes you happy
Honey, I’m happy.” Meanwhile you should be thinking about dating other
women.
Listen, guys, I would never tell you to get rid of someone, because
that’s only your choice, but I will tell you what your odds of having a
good relationship are with a particular woman. Remember, you have to be
with a gal with a good attitude and high Interest Level. If either one
of those is missing, the Love Boat ain’t gonna' float.
About the author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in
his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do
you stay with one man versus another?"
Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only
letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The
"System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or
(800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of
women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" |
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| Article Overview |
You sound like an opened-minded guy, but she should be dating someone in a band, not you. You two are like oil and water.
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