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Hi Doc,
I've known a
girl named Charlotte since I was in the sixth grade. We've always been close friends,
always talking to each other about everything. We both started our first year
of University together two years ago and at that time I didn't do so well and
flunked out. We didn't have much contact last year while I was working and she
was still in school, but this past summer things have changed. I called her up
and asked her out to a movie, same routine we normally did. She said OK and
came and picked me up (I don’t have my license anymore, another long story but
not really relevant). So after the movie was over she invited me back to her
place for coffee and we started talking to each other about our lives and what
we wanted to do, that sort of thing. The next thing I knew we were kissing on
her couch. It just felt natural, like it was something we were supposed to do.
We will see
each other again this Christmas and I really want this to work out. I think she
does too, but what I wanted to ask is: Am I setting myself up here for a bad
fall? Is it possible that longtime friends can have a romantic relationship
with one another? I know we're only 20, but I can say without a shadow of a
doubt that I would like to spend the rest of my life with her. I know she has
strong feelings for me too because she has told me she loves me and I can't
think of a time in my life when on some level I haven't loved her as well.
Butch – who really would appreciate your opinion on this matter
Hi Butch,
Wow! What a
great woman you have – not like most I talk about in my column. You flunked out
of school and lost your license, and she still has feelings for you. Most girls
would have dropped you for more petty transgressions, like not spending more
money on them - but she hung in there. This is truly a success story. Don’t get
me wrong guys, I always want you to put your best foot forward, but this shows
you what a woman with high Interest Level will put up with.
She is also loyal, and loyalty is the most important
virtue your future wife can have. If you don’t believe me, just imagine how
devastating it would be to one day find your true love smooching with your best
buddy. When a woman is loyal she tends to be trustworthy, and all successful
long-term relationships are also built on trust.
Because you
played it cool for 8 years, Butch, you allowed Challenge to work on her. That’s
why when you kissed her, you didn’t hear: “Not so fast, Butch.” The “System”
says: “the woman lets the man know when it is time”, and she let you know that
it was time when she invited you back to her place for some necking. So in your unique case, yes, it is possible
for long term friends to have a romantic relationship.
But guys,
don’t be deluded by this statistical fluke. Most of the time, once a girl has
decided that you’re her friend, getting her to switch tracks and start thinking
of you romantically, is like trying to get Jesse Jackson to vote Republican.
What you usually hear when you try to make the shift from buddy to boyfriend,
are those five words that strike terror in the hearts of good men: “Can’t we
just be friends?” To avoid this discouraging scenario, always let the woman
you’re interested in know up front that you’re there to date her, not befriend
her.
Butch, I think
this girl is a good candidate for the long haul because she has high Interest
Level in you and just as important, she respects you, despite your
shortcomings. But before you two tie the knot, you should ask yourself: If I’m
not capable of maintaining a valid driver’s license, would I be capable of
maintaining a valid marriage license (a long term committed relationship with a
woman)? Do you see what I’m getting at, Butch? So you have some work to do on
your life skills before you ‘re ready for Matrimony. But I’m very optimistic
that one day you will find yourself driving your new bride off into the sunset
to your honeymoon hideaway. Just be sure not to drive at 95 miles an hour –
unless your dad is Vice President.
Remember guys,
what the Mafia and Fido have in common; they know that loyalty is Numero Uno.
About the author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in
his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do
you stay with one man versus another?"
Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only
letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The
"System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or
(800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of
women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" | 
