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The most humane way to say goodbye to a woman you’re not interested in is to never ask for her home phone number to begin with. But if you have alread... |
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Hi Doc Love,
I wrote to you before and your advice helped a lot. I have another question for you.
I've been in a relationship for eight months. Three weeks ago, my
girlfriend moved to the West Coast, while I'm still stuck here on the
East Coast. Just to keep her interested in me, and to keep our
relationship strong, I call her, surprise her with e-mails, and even
call a florist in her area to send her flowers. I also FedEx her
letters, poetry, and other stuff. In spite of this, I'm worried that
she might get tired of my gifts and me, and drift to another man. Do
you have any recommendations on how to keep a long-distance
relationship strong?
Thanks,
Glenn – who wants to keep the flame burning
Hi Glenn,
You’re right - she will get tired of all of your gifts and e-mails.
They’re not surprises – they’re predictable. But you have a bigger
problem. Ask yourself: if you two really had a strong relationship to,
how could she move away from you?
When the woman moves away from your city, it means she has 39% Interest
Level and you are out. If your girlfriend’s move were only temporary,
Glenn – let’s say, for only three months – that would be acceptable
because her intent is to come back. But the longer she stays away after
that, the more her Interest Level will diminish.
Glenn, let me show me why this is true. Four years ago, I left Los
Angeles and moved 111 miles to the San Diego area. For the first six
months, I drove to L.A. every weekend to see my buddies. After a while,
I began skipping a weekend here and weekend there, until… you get the
drift. The same thing will happen to your relationship, Glenn.
Though I can maintain my friendship with my buddies in L.A., you won’t
be so lucky with Miss Right. Why? Because girlfriends require
consistent affection and face-to-face contact, which is impossible when
you are 3000 miles away. This leads me to the question: Did your
girlfriend, deep down, want the relationship to die of neglect? My
cousin, Fast Eddie Love would answer: “There are no accidents.”
And consider this fact: with you out of sight, more guys are going to
hit on your girlfriend – especially if she is a looker. After a while,
a girl with low Interest Level will get tired of constantly turning
down rides in another guy’s Silver PT Cruiser or dinners on his yacht
or champagne in his Lear Jet. Plus - you know she will eventually go
out clubbing with her new girlfriends and all the guys there will
asking her to dance… So, Glenn - what do you think the chances are that
she will drift to another man?
Now, if your girlfriend made this move because Bill Gates had asked her
to be Vice-president of Operations or because she had received a full
scholarship to Stanford, then she should have proposed marriage to you
and begged you to come with her. In these cases, you would encourage
her to pursue those opportunities because they would mean a prosperous
married life for the both of you. But let’s get real – chances are, the
reason why she left is a lot less glamorous.
The odds of saving this type of relationship are a hundred to one
against you. But if it were possible for you to influence her to move
back, you would have to do the opposite of what you have been doing. In
other words: no gifts, flowers, or written communiqués. If she calls
you, wait a day before you call her back and keep the calls short.
Also, if she e-mails you, wait two days to answer her.
When your girlfriend asks, only talk about all the good things going on
in your life. This way you will nonverbally convey the message: “I can
live without you.” You must play Challenge to the hilt – that’s why
it’s not the time to be mushy and to display neediness or insecurity
through words and trinkets.
While your girlfriend’s busy getting her priorities straight, you can
be looking for her replacement by asking for new home phone numbers.
If, by some twist of fate, your girl moves back (cough!), you can
always throw those backup phone numbers away.
Remember guys, nothing takes the place of an old flame like a new flame.
About the author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in
his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do
you stay with one man versus another?"
Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only
letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The
"System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or
(800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of
women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" |
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| Article Overview |
When your girlfriend asks, only talk about all the good things going on in your life. This way you will nonverbally convey the message: “I can live without you.” You must play Challenge to the hilt – that’s why it’s not the time to be mushy and to display neediness or insecurity through words and trinkets.
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