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Hi Doc,
Got a stumper for you. I met my fiancée at a time in my life when I was
financially set, carefree, and had lots of time to shower her with
attention. I asked her to marry me and move to Missouri to be with me
(she lives in Rhode Island). True - she had to give up a job, her
family and her home to be with me, but I have a really nice house and I
helped her get reestablished.
At the time she moved in with me, I was in the process of starting a
new dot com company. I started getting clients right off the bat, but
unfortunately, as time demands and costs escalated, so did my stress
level. I started putting in 16-hour days (though I worked out of the
home most of the time and she could be with me anytime she wanted). I
really hated this type of life because I wasn’t fulfilling her needs
for attention, but I knew my actions were necessary for financial
survival.
She hung on as long as she could - but finally, she told me she had to
move back to Rhode Island to get her emotional needs met. We agreed
that once the project was finished, I was to move there to join her.
Well, three weeks later, the project was complete and I was in the
black again. Once again, my days and evenings were wide open.
Unfortunately, during her time away, she got depressed. We ended up
getting into a few fights, until finally, she asked to end the
relationship.
I only want to share prosperity with someone who had been there with me
through the toughest times, so how do I get her back into my life?
She’s a magnificent person with a huge heart. I know I hurt and
disappointed her, but she needs to know that many of these
circumstances were not anticipated. Thanks for your help.
Sincere regards,
Don – who wants her to understand
Hi Don,
You said you want a woman who’s with you through the toughest times -
well this girl ain’t her! Things got tough, so she split. Good thing
you found this out about her before the marriage!
As I frequently say - marriage is tough, even under the best of
circumstances. When you run into financial hard times, it’s more
important than ever that the woman you’re with stands by you. Smart men
use tough times to find this out. Now, Don - let’s see how your girl
measures up.
While you were struggling to move your business out of Intensive Care –
the business that would soon support the two of you - what was she
doing to help out? (Eating bonbons and watching Rosie O’Donnell doesn’t
count!) Did she offer to type or stuff envelopes or bring you lemonade
– if not out of the goodness of her heart then at least out of the
desire to save half of the business that would soon be hers? No. While
you were breaking your butt 16 hours a day trying to keep the financial
boat afloat, your fiancée - instead of being there beside you to help
bail out the water – jumped ship!
Your fiancée’s decision to move out effectively ended the relationship.
Why? Because she should have gotten her emotional needs with you rather
than leaving town – regardless of your financial situation. You said
she hung on as long as she could, but she should have hung on longer.
As you said, Don, she could have been with you anytime she wanted, but
instead of walking into your office for a hug, she chose to fume
instead. Here you were struggling for survival and she got mad at you
for not entertaining her - is this girl nuts? Maybe not. High
maintenance? Definitely.
High maintenance women lack two out of the three character traits that
makes a girl eligible for marriage: giving and flexibility (the third
trait is integrity, but we can’t conclude that your girl lacks this
quality based on the information you gave me). They always expect
their men to be at their beck and call to satisfy their needs for
amusement – and when they don’t get their way, they pout and lower
their Interest Level.
Don, in my articles, I usually jump all over guys for making mistakes
with women, but in your case, there’s no reason to get a case of the
guilties. Sure, you didn’t take your fiancée out to dinner very much
during your period of financial crisis, but you really didn’t have much
of a choice.
Under normal circumstances, the man practices respect, romance, and
affection to maintain a relationship. While the man should always be
respectful; and affectionate as long as the woman reciprocates - the
romantic nights out on the town would obviously have to be suspended
until your business recovers from it’s monetary drain. A woman with
high Interest Level and a good attitude would understand this and would
never hold it against him.
Do you now see how silly it is to accept her blame for this breakup,
Don? Guy, you helped her out with her career - couldn’t she have been a
little understanding in return? Of course not. Why? Because she
is just too petty and self-centered to stand by her man.
Your company has turned around (no thanks to her) because you are a
winner. But unfortunately your ex-fiancée isn’t. Even if she didn’t ask
to be shipped back to Rhode Island - you should have told her to pack
her bags anyway.
As for her depression - she was really depressed about the thought of
marrying you. And did you notice how the fights came the closer you
came to moving back in with her? Don, is there any chance she set these
battles up? You say she is a magnificent person with a huge heart, but
I only see a thoughtless deadbeat who resents hard work. You got out
cheap.
Remember guys: A true blue partner sticks it out through hell or high
water. When evaluating your woman’s attitude, follow my Uncle Jethro
Love’s advice and ask yourself: “Is this girl part of the crew or part
of the cargo?”
About the author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in
his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do
you stay with one man versus another?"
Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only
letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The
"System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or
(800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of
women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" |
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| Article Overview |
Your fiancée’s decision to move out effectively ended the relationship. Why? Because she should have gotten her emotional needs with you rather than leaving town – regardless of your financial situation. You said she hung on as long as she could, but she should have hung on longer.
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