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Hi Doc,
I've been talking to this girl for about a month now and we hit it off
real well. We have a lot in common and we talk a lot on the phone.
The problem is that when I ask her if we can take our relationship to
the next level and be a couple, she tells me that I need to take it
slow because she doesn’t want to hurt me. She had just come out of a
six-year relationship with a controlling boyfriend and said that she
still cares for him even though she does not want to be with him any
more.
We talk and go out all the time and we always have fun together. I have
drawn her pictures and have bought her roses (pink and white - her
favorite) almost making her cry. She says I know how to make her
feel good… so why is she worried about
hurting me?
I have really fallen for her and I can't stop thinking about her. I don't feel I can keep this up for much longer.
Please help.
Confused Charlie
Hi Charlie,
When I look up the word “evasive” in my Webster’s, I see a picture of
your girl’s smiling face. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie… it’s time to wake
up and smell the fertilizer.
It’s simply astonishing how many guys buy The “I need more time before
I can date you” Line and its variations. After all, how much time does
one need in order to meet at a coffee shop? Unfortunately, men rarely
question the nonsensical statements that many women make. Charlie, your
girl’s feeble overtures to a relationship are about as authentic as
O.J. Simpson’s plans to find Nicole and Ron’s “real killers.” You would
be more likely to win the lottery!
Like the married man who promises his mistress that someday, he will
leave his wife, your girl is filling your head with dreams.
Consequently, you believe that one day she will get over her feelings
for her ex-boyfriend and start dating you. Keep dreaming, guy! If this
girl truly had interest in you, she never would have mentioned another
guy in the first place. Why? Because she would have been too afraid of
turning you off!
Charlie, if your girl really cared about your feelings, she would have
been direct with you from the start. It would have been a kinder action
to tell weeks ago: “Charlie, I love you as a friend, but I
wouldn’t kiss you for twelve billion dollars.” Instead, she gave you
false hope.
It’s interesting that your girl brought up the subject of not wanting
to “hurt” you - why would she even think of this unless she already
knew that she was harboring low Interest Level for you deep in her
heart? This, by the way, sheds light on why she wanted to “take it
slow” with you: she wanted to buy time until she was ready to disappear
from your life.
Charlie, your drawings and roses are romantic gestures – fit only for
someone who has demonstrated her high Interest Level in you through her
actions. Your girl clearly doesn’t qualify - of course; this hasn’t
stopped her from accepting your gifts and your valuable time and
attention!
Your girl wants you play the stooge for her, but nothing more. She
doesn’t mind your advances, as long as she doesn’t have to lift a
finger to reciprocate. In short: she’s only concerned about making her
fragile ego feel good - not about treating you properly. Want to prove
this to yourself? Stop giving her gifts and see how long she sticks
around.
Charlie, if your girl truly liked you, she would have been the one
asking to take the relationship to the next level (Wouldn’t that have
been better?). So next time, let the woman be the one to come on heavy.
You’re right, Charlie - you can’t keep up your current course of action
for much longer – and thank goodness for that! Why? Because the longer
you ignore reality and run after love mirages, the more ripped up your
poor heart will become (not to mention the all the money you would
waste in the meantime). Just think of all the home phone numbers you
could have gotten while you were busy chasing this unavailable woman.
Thank God you now have The “System” to guide your love choices.
Men think that women can be coaxed into romantic relationships through
gifts and kind words, but when they push and push this way, they always
get the same results: they get played for suckers. If anything,
constantly giving yourself to a romantic deadbeat only makes the woman
more complacent, more disrespectful, and even less likely to take the
next step.
Guys, when it comes to love, a woman with high Interest Level would
gladly meet your advances halfway. If she doesn’t, then it’s time to
move on to someone with better taste!
About the author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in
his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do
you stay with one man versus another?"
Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only
letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The
"System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or
(800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of
women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?" |
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| Article Overview |
Charlie, if your girl truly liked you, she would have been the one asking to take the relationship to the next level (Wouldn’t that have been better?). So next time, let the woman be the one to come on heavy.
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